i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
