Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
sarcasm needs its own font
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I need water and some morals
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
