He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
