Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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