im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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