I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
