take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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