when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
