i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
