she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
