I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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