omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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