when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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