i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
