and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
