I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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