apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
