We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
