I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
