Sponge bath it is.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
