Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
