so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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