She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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