So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
