she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
