You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
