my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
