how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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