david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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