I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
