How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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