It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize