I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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