Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
