WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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