i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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