We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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