Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she pinky promised me she was 18
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
