Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize