New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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