What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize