Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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