I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
