lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
