Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
