WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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