All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
