Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize