I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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