it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
