Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
