Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
