Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
