I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I love you. Go after that dick
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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