I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is it penis luge time yet?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
