apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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