i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
