It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize