I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
