Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I could make wine with my vomit
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
