Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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