I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
