my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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