i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
