too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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