i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
