i need an iv and a liver transplant
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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