the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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