And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
