Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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