So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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