You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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