We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
