I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
