this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
