I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
