I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
