you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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