my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
