Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
