I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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