He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
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