heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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