I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
