I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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