this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
