So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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