now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
