can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize