Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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