Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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