i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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