READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
