fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
