I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
