You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
