You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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