I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize