i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
