my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
