just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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